Written by Thy TranHoang
From a very general viewpoint, dating is dating—what does perimenopause have to do with it? That statement is only half true. Dating while in perimenopause or menopause is not 100% the same as dating when you were younger and not having to worry when your next hot flash episode is going to come or whether your date will find you attractive enough. This is how perimenopausal and menopausal dating is different and similar to dating before menopause.
How Dating During Menopause is Different
Dating during menopause may not be so much about sexual intimacy as it is about connection. Your sex drive may be low, you are experiencing vagina dryness, you’re more self conscious about your body, or the experience no longer has the desired effect as it used to.
Dating can be about having someone to talk to, support one another along the way, or just simply understanding that you are menopausal and may not be your best self sometime. How you choose to address the topic with your significant other is entirely up to you and your relationship with the person.
Some women have had not so great experiences with discussing the topic of menopause to their date—and there is no regret in backing out from that relationship, because dating is also about you and finding someone who will accept you despite your age and menopause.
How Dating During Menopause is Similar
Dating during menopause can also be enjoyable despite all the symptoms and judgments. The reality of it is that both symptoms and judgments are unavoidable. There is only so much you can do to ease symptoms, and everyone always has something to say. Menopause is not a big deterrent as many women think of it to be.
The MATE survey concluded that men have somewhat positive to positive attitudes toward menopause. Although men cited that mood swings and irritability were the two factors that negatively impacted their relationship the most, their perceptions about menopause changes once they were informed and educated about menopause symptoms.
Are you a match?
Eventually, menopause will pass and you will approach a new stage in life. Until that happens, enjoy yourself and experimenting in the dating world with a new perspective. The “are we a match” indicators are still there. For example:
- Are you comfortable around one another? Do they make you feel good about yourself, make you laugh or smile?
- Do you have shared interests and outlooks in life?
- Are you both on the same page when it comes to how fast you want to progress or what you want to get out of the relationship?
- Is there respect or trust in the relationship?
- Are there differences at all among you two, or is it like living with another version of yourself?—maybe you want that or maybe you don’t.
- Are you happy?
There may be some—or many—differences compared to dating before menopause, but perimenopausal dating can be a great experience. At the end of the day, age is just a number, and you shouldn’t put yourself down because of a natural life transition such as perimenopause.
At It’sFetch.co we strive to provide valuable and reliable health information through our blog. We believe in empowering individuals to make informed decisions about their health and well-being. However, it is important to understand that the content on our blog is not intended to replace the advice, diagnosis, or treatment provided by a qualified medical professional.
McMahon, S. (2020). Menopause and dating. Are these concepts even compatible? Sixty and Me. https://sixtyandme.com/dating-during-menopause
Parish, S. J., Faubion, S. S., Weinberg, M., Bernick, B., & Mirkin, S. (2019). The MATE survey: Men’s perceptions and attitudes towards menopause and their role in partners’ menopausal transition. Menopause, 26(10), 1110–1116. https://doi.org/10.1097/GME.0000000000001373
Quammie, B. (2020). Sex and relationships during menopause: Three women share what it’s really like. Chatelaine. https://chatelaine.com/health/sex-and-relationships-during-menopause-three-women-share-what-its-really-like
Zampa-Kiem, C. (2021). If you let it, menopause can be your biggest dating superpower yet. Marin Magazine. https://marinmagazine.com/community/relationships/if-you-let-it-menopause-can-be-your-biggest-dating-superpower-yet